I am so pleased to be back with you, and home in Waltham. Last week was terrific, but it’s good to be back, too. One of the wonderful things about my retreat last week was the experience of regular prayer in community. I spent about half an hour in silent prayer alone each day, but the rhythm of the chanting of psalms, reading of Scripture, and singing of hymns for prayer morning, noon and night (plus Eucharist—-usually I went to four services a day) was a profound experience of God in community. I didn’t know anything about the other people I was praying with—-didn’t know why the monks had chosen to become monks (it’s a community of about 12 men), didn’t know who the other retreatants were (there were 15 of us staying at the monastery, all of us in silence for the week), or why they came. The structure of the daily office prayer services is such that personal preference or experience has nothing to do with it. It is a structure that the church has followed for a millennium—-psalms, canticles, reading from Scripture, hymns. There is no preaching, no editorializing. It is what it is.
If it sounds impersonal, it is—-but in the best possible way. Tapping into that same experience that Christians have had for centuries, I knew myself to be one in a line of believers, all of whom have struggled with the same issues. I am not the first person to be nervous about parenthood. I am not the first priest who has wondered how best to serve her congregation. I am not the first person just to get tired sometimes, and to wonder where God is in all of it. I am not the first person to feel exquisite joy and gratitude in meeting Christ in the sacraments.
Fastened as we each inevitably are in our own perceptions, prejudices, preferences and experiences, it is a gift to know that our lives do not rely on our own skills or success or on the esteem others have of us. We are not so special, after all, and what a relief it is! Our lives, when it comes down to it, are not just ours. We rely on God, and on each other, on those other fifteen people whom I was in silence with and didn’t know; on each of you and the church we are; on our families, friends, and neighbors. In America we are so accustomed to our individuality; certainly this is a positive thing. I heard on the radio this morning that today is the anniversary of the adoption of the Bill of Rights—-ours is the first country to so enshrine this idea of the individual in the foundation of our society. I am thankful for my freedom—-thankful for democracy, and personal property, and all of those good things we enjoy and those who made them possible with real sacrifice. I’m thankful for those who fought for women’s rights, who are the reason that I can have a ministry both with my family and as an ordained, full-time priest. I’m thankful for all of these things that make me “me”—-but after last week, I’m also thankful for a break from all the “me-ness.” Thankful to be one in a line of millions of Christians, no more and no less beloved by our creator.
Blessings,
Sara+
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