Preparing for Gentle Death

Dear People of Christ Church,

As you may have heard on Sunday, this week we'll gather at 7pm to hear from our own Rob Atwood and Christine August on end of life care. Rob is a hospice social worker and Christine is an ICU nurse-both come to us with a great wealth of knowledge of how we die.  It happens to everyone, and even God in Jesus Christ went there with us, but it's still a topic we fear.  The fact is, though, talking with the people we love about what we want near the end of our own lives, or what they want at the end of theirs, is one of the greatest gifts we can give.  But it's hard. We don't want to be ghoulish, or make anyone uncomfortable, or we can't countenance the idea of not having those we love with us every day.  We'd just rather talk about it...another day.  

In a Christian context, though, we're given a new freedom, a different context to consider the death of our bodies. We can stand neither "for" nor "against" death, but beside, as a known part of our human existence that will happen to us all.  Francis of Assisi put it this way in the hymn we know as "All Creatures of our God and King:"

And thou most kind and gentle Death,

Waiting to hush our latest breath,

O praise Him! Alleluia!

Thou leadest home the child of God,

And Christ our Lord the way hath trod.

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Kind and gentle death, leading us home to God.  Wow.

Life is a tremendous gift, and we are stewards-caretakers-of these bodies and souls that are given us. They are a blessing. Our life is a blessing. Modern medicine and technology are a blessing. There are many of you whose lives I treasure who have survived illnesses that just twenty years ago would have been a death sentence.   As much as we are grateful for all the many treatments that are now possible to prevent death, we also know that there's more to the story than just our bodies' eventual end. 

We have a responsibility to preserve life, but we can also be realistic about what treatments are likely to be effective and which are not.  If nothing can separate us from God and the love of those we love, then we don't have to approach death as the enemy.  Choices about care can be made from the standpoint of compassion for the whole person, not just the scientific alleviation of a particular symptom or illness. If someone near death is unable to swallow or loses interest in food, for example, is it compassionate to give a feeding tube? It's a hard question.  It may prolong the life of their body, but that may come at another cost.

In our Church's teaching about the end of life, we differentiate between "passive" and "active" ways in which death may be hastened. The passive withholding of treatment is an ethical choice; if there is no prognosis for recovery, the question becomes whether the patient's dying process is being prolonged, as opposed to whether their actual life is being extended.  At the same time, when the physician assisted suicide referendum came around at election time, I voted "no;" to take an action specifically with the desired outcome being death is not, in my view, an ethical choice. As Episcopalians, also, we respect each others' freedom of conscience. These issues are complicated, and we don't condemn those who believe otherwise.  There are times when the lines are blurry and that's why it's so important that we talk to those we love about the choices they want us to make.  Fill out the legal paperwork for who will be your health care proxy if you can't make decisions for yourself.   Put down, in writing if necessary, the kind of treatment you do and do not want and tell that person.

As part of our conversation next week, I'll also make available a booklet we put together several years ago called "A Christian Prepares for Death," which leads you through many of the choices to be made in preparing for the kind of burial you want. We might think, "I won't exactly be present, so I'll let the people who survive me make the choices." But let me tell you from the experience of going through this with a lot of people-the most comforting thing for the surviving person is to know what you would have wanted!  This goes for whether you want to be cremated or have "Go Tell it on the Mountain" sung as much as for whether you would want to be removed from a ventilator.  Small decisions loom awfully large in a time of grief.  Communication about death is not morbid--it's one of the most loving things you can do. 

I'll leave you with this piece of Scripture:

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

Thanks be to God!

Blessings,
Sara+